Stress

Argh! Just the word stress can get things going. “I can’t stress this enough.” The word has been bandied about for a long time, coming out of modern psychcology. However, sometimes overwhelming experiences, and individual temperaments such as sensitivity to environment, or tendency for anxiety make people more vulnerable to stressors.

Let’s examine for a minute what the word actually means. Stress is pressure or friction on something. It could be a person, an animal, it could be a tree or plant, it could be rocks, it could be a building. Stress plays a role in shaping things and shaping us. We first experience some stress in the birth process, as infants. So stress is part of change. But stress is actually our experience of something, not the actual something causing us to feel stress. For people, stress becomes a matter or perception. What may be stressful to one person, may be exciting or invigorating to another. It is The feeling of danger, which leads to stress, kicks in flight, fight, or freeze response. So for example an impala being chased by a lion will run away. Leaves fall from a decidious tree to prepare for winter. So stress plays an important role in nature.

Architects, engineers, and mechanics are aware of the dynamics of pressure and friction. So buildings, bridges, and engines (and structures and machines) are build to withstand presure and friction, with apprpriate care and maintenance as needed. For example, sky scrapers are designed by architects to sway, with proper foundational preparation, and structural supports to adapt to environmental stresses.

The lesson for us is to be adaptable and flexible to respond to upsets. Like a volcano, we may need to vent to relieve pressure, but it is important to find ways to vent without making things worse.(Such as yelling, which can raise blood pressure and not really solving problems. Stress is not necessarily bad, feeling some stress or anxiety can give us the energy to do what needs to be done, including good things, like traveling, weddings, new job, meeting new people. Feeling stressed can come out of caring about something, from a need to solve a problem.

Its not about the stress (or the circumstance) but how you respond to stress. Even situations that might normally be seen as a good thing can be stressful, such as preparing for a wedding, and being up there taking vows on wedding day, can be considered as stress. Or taking a test or public speaking. The feeling of concern, apprehension or anxiety can either make the feeling of stress worse, or if managed properly, help you prepare, and with enough preparation or practice make the situation easier. Thats because this feeling of stress can give you the energy to accomplish your goals.

If prone to anxiety or fear remind yourself that you are here now because you survived prior upsets and distress. It is a matter of trust and faith. Stress creates alertness, which is not a bad thing. When you drive a car for example, being alert is obviosly good. But if too stressed when driving you may over react or misjudge things. Getting used to things, such as driving, your stress level may go down, because you have gotten used to the experience. But once you are used to something you may be less observent. There seems to be a sweet spot where you can remain observent without over reacting. Learning to manage your reaction to stress will put you in the position of being able to thrive, not merely survive. Sometimes stress reactions come out of fear of something new or change, even thought you ratioinally know life has been nothing but change since you were born. Ironically, being in a rut, feeling stuck can also make a person feel stressed too.

Inappropriate perfectionism, people pleasing, or obessiveness will only make anxiety or apprehension, an therefore feeling of being stressed, worse. [There is a place for perfectionism, such an architect designing a building or a surgeon doing an operation). Figuring out the right amount of preparation, so not over thinking, and then letting it go is tricky. Athletic endeavors, and other performance or creative pursuits are done well when people find a flow, avoiding over thinking, which leads to hesitation and doubt. This is true for any skill based endeavor that requires lots of learning and practice, but eventually feels like second nature. Crisis training required in some situations and professions can work well to manage stressful situations so that people can respond in ways to have better outcomes. (Studies after 9/11 showed that people who followed crisis training required to work in the tower offices fared better in terms of survival).

Lengthy periods of stress due to ongoing crisis may result in heighened Cortisol, a hormone that helps us respond to stress. It provides increased energy level (flight or fight) necessary to get you through a bad time. In fact it can tamp down feeling ill for a while if you are taking care of others, so you can keep going until situation is resolved. The problem is that if it stays elevated in your nervous system for too long it can lead to health problems down the road. It is too much a good thing. This is why when people are facing great difficulties it important to engage in self care, which is quite difficult if you are already overwhelmed. Which is why its important to not go it alone, if possible.

It is possible to find ways to respond to feelings of stress without being constantly hyper vigiliant, or becoming cynical or hostile, or develop feelings of hopelessness. The way to respond to stress is not to shrink or tighten up, but to be willing to grow and strengthen, so that you have more capacity to manage stress. Instead of identifying stress as the enemy, make friends with it, embrace it, and understand that everything changes. Think of something that stressed you out before. Often, it no longer does. What changed? Your response. Most of all recognize what you can and cannot control. Are you in charge of other people? The Internet? The world? Nature. I don’t think so. Instead, if you feel stressed, then find a way to engage, not shut down.

There are ways to improve stress responses:

• When anxiety or uncomfortable fear arises, breathe and put yourself in the present moment. Even a couple of minutes of this can help. Performers often have to find ways to feel calm, or channel energy, no matter how much experience they have. Your relaxed state can lead to feeling both rested and ready. Whatever you are doing (including routine job work or home life) you can allow just enough left over energy from your discomfort to do the job well, or manage your relationships well. MIndfulness practices, which have been around for a long long time, can work well as a response. No matter what time period people have lived in there are difficulties and challenges. Ancient philosphies and belief systems remain relevant because while different periods have specific stress points, humanity remains the same in terms of desires and frustrations,areas of conflict, and a spectrum of foolishness and wisdom.
• Which leads to learning to confront your fears in a way that is not scary, and is constructive. You don’t necessarily have to deal with every fear or phobia in life. Its ok to have a fear of heights or spiders if it does not impede on your life. There is a healthy level of fear, such as when driving, or walking near a cliff edge, or being sent to a battle field, that is sensible.You might not be able to avoid driving, but staying from cliff edges might be okay. Courage is not a lack of fear, but when circumstances are right and reasons or ethical, principled and caring, courage gets you through to the other side.
• If anxiety and stress is coming out of a toxic situation, then it is reasonable to take actions to get yourself out of that situation. This is not a matter of running away, but running toward refuge and a new life.Taking action is tried and true way to relieve feelings of anxiety or stress. In other words, don’t make yourself a matyr or engage in “learned helplessness”
• Which leads to positive ways to reduce stress. Day to day practice of self soothing (such as the breathing in meditation practice), releasing pent up energy with exercise, calming activities such as being in nature or listening to music, and doing activities that you love, so you are no longer over thinking, but simply enjoying are just some examples of positive responses. Activities that emphasize being in the present moment can reduce stress. Or just change it up!
• It can be a condumdrum that good suggestions to get enough sleep and have good nutritional habits, plus exercise or movement will help compensate. It is hard to do this in the middle of a stressful situation if demands are high and time is short Just do the best you can. But good self care will help counteract the bad effects of stress.
• Relationships can either be a source of support or stress. (therefore frustrations, more anxiety, anger, or depression). They are often both. Learning positive ways to navigate relationships, particularly family is not easy but can make a big difference. Giving grace and compassion to self and others goes a long way. Unless you are in an abusive, toxic relationship then understand that other people are going through it too. Taking the time show and receive support, and to focus on connection (as opposed to dependency, or people pleasing which can easily veer in unhealthy patterns) can help bolster healthier responses to stress. Sometimes it just a matter of being there for each other.
• Learning effective communication skills and conflict resolution, and healthy boundaries is helpful, because it helps to clarify, reduce misunderstandings, and defuse heighened emotions. It is important to be heard and seen, and do that for others. Kindness to self and others goes a long way. Healthy boundaries provides a sense of agency and autonomy (work or home) which goes a long way to reduce anxious or stressed feelings.
• Having a change of pace, trying something new (it could be a brand new recipe), or on the other hand putting in comforting routines for yourself or with others provides a sense of refreshment and refuge. Deeply immersing yourself in something you love can give immense relief. You are no longer in a self imposed prison from your reaction to stress, but can feel freer. Having a change of scenary is helpful.
• Acceptance, smiling and laughter and practicing gratitude are proven ways to lessen effects of stress. Tears can help too. Its about feeling your emotions, without holding on or attaching yourself to them. Emotions come and go.
• Attaching yourself (a form on latching on) too much to labels, shoulds, should nots, holding on for dear life to your your roles and identity or others roles and identity can lead to more feelings of stress, fear and even despair. This requires a deep level of insight and honesty. People may view themselves or others in too narrow of a framework. Suprise yourself and others once in a while, and allow others to surprise you. Being too narrow or resistant can lead to blindspots and inability to consider alternatives. It can seem strange, but in life while you remain the same person, you are also in a state of change, in other words growing. We are the same, but not the same. This is where wisdom comes in. Everything that has happened to you, good and bad, has made who you are today, and thats a blessing.
• Persistance and determination (not blind stubborness), realistic expectations, curiosity, a good sense of your (changing) self, sense of humor, vunerability and openess to new experiences, and understanding of what happiness is and is not (another topic) while keeping love, faith and hope alive and be good buffers (and responses) to stress.
• You may feel alone or lonely, but in truth you are connected to everything and everyone. Expand into that connection. Remember that your body, is busy taking care of you all the time, so take care of it in return. Yes there is sickness, violence, and harm in the world. It has been that way for a very very long time. (History is strangely reassuring that way). Learn the value of equinamity, to hold things in balance, as nature does, even after what seems to be a distastourous event. This requires some level of detachment from outcomes. The human tendency toward attachment and hubristic need to control has hurt everything. Note that the beautiful things that people do are the things that come closest to reflecting or understanding nature, such as nurturing, artistic endeavors of music and painting, looking to the skies. Belief in a higher power or spirituality shows this pull toward nature.