Don’t let today sink into anger, despair, or fear, like a coiled snake swallowing itself. Let it be not a day of destruction, but a chance to create, restore, and begin again. In a time of crisis, hurt, trauma, and exhaustion, remember after a forest fire, a new leaf will one day sprout. After rest and restoration, ashes can nourish new life. What looks like death may be transformation.

When you feel you have reached or surpassed your capacity (a cup that is brimming over is not always about abundance, sometimes it is just an overwhelm) don’t feel you have to press on. In a don’t quit, competitive culture it is tempting to want to keep pushing. But nature is a good teacher. When the leaves fall, when the bloom shrivels, it is nature self-correcting so it can manage capacity. Nature is a rhythm that has its own self-organizing principles. It is true, everything has a season. I am not just writing to you, but to myself, as the past twelve months have been an endurance test as a caregiver, and recently a seemingly sudden potentially deadly diagnosis for myself that came in the nick of time. (Caregiving endurance also has a large portion of dealing with medical system pitfalls and shortcomings).

There are boundaries, and there are limits, they are not necessarily the same. Rebirth follows death, beginnings follow endings. Leave margins for error if possible. If you have gone past the margins, then retreat. If you must go beyond the boundaries and limitations, then do not lose your way. Know that what you are retreating to is a matter of returning to what you truly value.

Wisdom comes with knowing that happiness often arises out of wanting what you already have, not being jealous or envious of what you do not have, or constantly pining for what never was, and never will be yours. I do not see flowers, trees, or animals wanting something different, as far as I know. I do not see them complaining or screaming for more (not according to my admittedly limited perspective.) Nature has its own discernments and perspectives, and a spectrum of amazing senses. Nature creates niches, adaptations, collaborations, and growth, and all of these play a role in both resiliency and capacity. A forest with ecological mix has more capacity than a single tree.

As life races along we may not have the self-awareness or sufficient understanding to recognize our own limits, our moments of reduced capacity, or that of others. The real lesson here is paying attention, which when distracted and exhausted from a personal situation or what is happening all around you, is hard to do. Chaos creates confusion, chaos creates darkness. So slow down, do not panic, look for the lights along the pathways and the borders.

The essence of science and for that matter living life well is being curious, which requires being both open and focused. I’ve been so distracted that the alarming what could have been outcome of this narrow miss just occurred to me. I am also making the best of things. With a big gauzy thing on top of my head, I am wearing hats again, and braiding my hair into two tails since I am not allowed to wash it until my wound is fully healed. (I have a lot of unruly hair). I need to keep my head covered in any case living in hot blue-sky desert. Hopefully good-bye to melanoma, hello to cute hats.

Surprises are rarely truly out of the blue, they just seem so. It is like an earthquake or tsunami that starts far away, building in power and getting closer by the minute. It might even be a lifetime of buildup. In the last month my usual calm and competent composure (a benefit of having resiliency and a big capacity for hardship) withered away. The tears are flowing more easily now. For all of us, let them flow if need be. Or even better, let laughter come.

When you blow up a balloon you are doing two things. Using your lung capacity and transferring that capacity to a balloon. If your lungs are not sufficient then the balloon will remain pitifully small. If it is too much, it may burst. So as in nature, finding that sweet spot to grow and maintain, through different conditions, keeps you going. This is the true meaning of the seasons. Barren branches signify a time of rest and restoration. Even the most resilient person needs self-awareness and self-care. Resiliency is not a ticket to never ending perfection. It is knowing when to reach out, and when to retreat. Knowing when to expand and when to store up and shore up for another day.

For the past year I have been running a marathon circus, running and juggling at the same time, because frankly the medical establishment is too much of a “”’’ and someone must be the spoke in the unstable wheel. This period of life does bear some resemblance to what is happening to many people now, to our overall society in all its public and private spheres. It can feel like we are at a breaking point. How much more can we take? Like our sun being the right size and distance for life to thrive, managing capacity is not a one size fits all. It may change overtime for people. No, it will change overtime. And of course, there is nothing new under the sun, which is reassuring but also at times mildly depressing.

I go to my rose bush and help it along by taking off the dead roses, so sunlight and water can go to what remains alive. That is one way to have healthy capacity in our life. To not waste time and energy on destructive anger, despair, or fear. To not waste time on regrets. These emotions can have a place, as signals to take right action. On the other hand, the drive for constant striving for success, constant stimulation, or feeling the need to keep going until you collapse is not about capacity, but a basic fear of stillness, quietness, loneliness, or failure. Sometimes resilient and competent people may feel like they need to meet a challenge, a bar that is placed higher with every try, like an Olympian pole vault event. Pride and the need for validation can also lead to doing too much.

Exhaustion can lead to brittleness, resentment, and confusion. It leads to corrosive erosion. Gaining capacity requires discernment, some humility, sometimes realigning of perspectives and acceptance. It means recognizing when the tide changes. You cannot keep on and on without a pit stop. You also cannot expect instant results. A meme is unlikely to give you resiliency or capacity.

All of this comes down to compassion and love for self and others. That means noticing, connection and letting go. Stop and smell the roses may seem too easy and may not seem realistic but it really means pausing and noticing like a bee on its route. If you recognize you are overburdened, then put down your burdens for a minute. But even this may feel effortful.

I remember during the pandemic shut down, a time of overcapacity and chaotic fear. Nature seemed to quickly fill up those empty quiet spaces, but with natural patience. It is not about convenience, but about grace. It may be about taking chances.  In the middle of the Spring 2020 shutdown, I decided to go against the retreat grain. Falling back into grieving my husband’s death in 2018, I went against the retreat grain and reached out to meet new people.  My mindset was one of giving and offering instead of getting and receiving, toward love and away from fear. It certainly gave me something else to focus on in scary times. Life is not a constant battle, even though it feels that way, but a constant flow of change. In psychological terms, I reframed my thoughts and attitudes.

Don’t forget that humans are a part of this ongoing balance and flow, but unfortunately, we are adept at pressing on the scales, shortsightedly thinking it is to our advantage. It is a hubristic mindset and an ongoing reminder that we are own seeds of destruction, seeds that may have been planted long ago. But we are also capable of creation, connection, and collaboration. In a way, nature is an example of optimism that is rooted in grounded reality.

Today, within that flow of change, you can create compassion, you can create love. You matter. Optimism becomes a radical idea in a time of despair. Today may be your last day. Meet your moment, meet what is happening now. Just breathe.